Thoughts and feelings 2020

21st Apr 2020

If Corona virus was a person, I would write a letter or call to talk, to ask. I would have so many questions: why are you doing this to us? What is the point? Why now? Where did you come from? Why like this? Are you here for a reason? What am I learning from this experience? How do I survive this? Will I survive this?

I guess these questions come naturally out of the state of isolation. The place where we are all faced with ourselves, where we are forced to look deeply within, we are really becoming aware of our fears, our strengths and weaknesses. This is the place that we discover what are we made of.

Recently, I have been looking into who I am, why I am here in this world and what my purpose is – but it is in this lockdown that these searches had become more acute and more urgent.

I feel grateful for this time, for learning to treasure every minute, all human connections, rediscovering buried connections with nature; creativity; art; music. Finding new ways of communication, new ways of teaching, finding more capacity in me for giving, letting go more, stressing less, just being, re evaluating my parenting, my life and my relationship with my singing. I am grateful for these revelations.

Like all things in life however, there are two sides to this coin – I feel a deep sadness and grievance for so many lost lives and people’s pain. I feel extremely sympathetic and compassionate for everyone who have lost their loved ones and who weren’t able to say goodbye. I feel afraid for those who are stuck in abusive relationships and people who suffer from depression or other mental illnesses. I am also worried about elderly people who are alone and for all the people who need urgent medical care for illnesses not related to corona virus. I feel that this isolation has also a very mean, cruel face. I worry that people are not processing what they feel now and bottling their feelings up, which in turn might bring to a delayed explosion of PTSD. I pray that the world will have enough therapists and mental health workers.

I feel that we are all changing and we will not be the same when we come out of this. Nonetheless, I pray and hope that we will come out of this better, stronger , braver and more prepared for the next world crisis. We are all equal before death, before illnesses – I pray that this will help us appreciate life more.

Meanwhile let’s just breathe through it…